Jalang’o is one of the most highly-rated Kenyan media personalities with a massive social media following, a top-rated radio show, endless corporate gigs, a very well-oiled marketing machine, and loads of cash.
If we are, o be honest, a man of Jalango’s stature should be the last to person found engaging in such nasty and childish escapades of bedding random Nairobi women then making noise about it on a WhatsApp group with his boys.
With endless examples of other men of greater magnitude and higher ranks who were sadly brought down by their philandering and tendency to announce their virility, Jalang’o, a well-manicured media star, should surely have known better and avoided publicizing his bedroom exploits with his so-called friends.
But as they say, men will always be men and the urge to brag about sexual conquests is an ingrained trait that many find hard to resist.
Unless you live in a cave, by now you’ve probably heard of the Jalang’o mess.
The comedian has been trending online ever since screenshots of a WhatsApp group created were leaked online with claims that he and his boys are on a mission to see who beds most women.
The screengrabs were shared by Youtuber Edgar Obare, who, as you all know, has been in the Jalang’o crosshairs before.
He exposed the group dubbed Boys Club in which he and his friends shared information about numerous women they have slept with, discussing their next sexual rendezvous and generally just being old, naughty boys.
Well, to have your private chats made public, and to have the world gawk at your sexual recklessness can be a career-ending thing. And break your marriage, for sure.
Therefore, here are a few things which Kenyan men MUST learn from the unfolding Jalang’o controversy.
1. Don’t Kiss and Tell
This is like the oldest rule in the book. You’ve heard about it a million times before. You know you should never kiss and tell. A real man doesn’t do that. It’s simple, get your woman, do your thing with her, break her back if possible, do the rounds and get her scream like she’s fleeing the apocalypse and then shut up about it. Close the case. Let her go. And pretend it never happened. Simple and clear.
2. Guard Your Phone
If you can’t kiss and tell, and can’t fight off the urge to broadcast your sexual mastery to your closest boys, at least make sure that your phone is guarded at all times. Be with it. Apply all the necessary passwords and PIN codes and patterns. It’s your phone. It should never be accessed by not just your girl but anyone for that matter. WhatsApp messages are end-to-end encrypted which means that only YOU can incriminate yourself.
3. Never let her go through your phone
Women are interesting creatures. They can be fiercely insecure, deeply jealous and quite the DCI types. A girl shouldn’t be in possession of your phone. Don’t let her go through it. Keep it. It’s yours. She has her own. She needs to use the camera? To check the time? To make a call? Let her use her own. Period. One little mistake and she’s deep in your WhatsApp timeline, deep in your dirty photo gallery, fishing for clues and evidence. It might never be the same again.
4. Know Your Boys
Boys may be boys. But some boys are not your boys. Not all boys are your boys. Some are just joy-riding in the friendship circle. They’re there to gather mess. They’re there to snoop around, to leak information, to lust after your women and to break trust. The wrong boy in a boy group can damage the entire group. Scrutinize your boys. Learn them. Learn their manners, character, intention, and loyalty. Not all boys are there to be boys. Some have been sent by Satan. And those will wreck you.
5. Don’t Share Girls
I cannot stress this enough. You just should NEVER share your girls. Make your girls your own. Sleep with girls that only YOU are sleeping with.
The trouble with sharing girls is that you may never know what your boy told the girl you’re both sharing. Boys can be jealous too. And they make say some stuff that you may never have expected they’d ever say about you. Don’t let a girl you’re sleeping with sleep with your boy. Let him find his own. The so-called ‘throw pass’ may be a fun game to play. But when emotions kick in and feelings start to develop, you’re on your way down. Always remember that.